Day 10--Extra Ordinary

What a day. I learned that being intentional regarding my affection for Kendra creates exceptional results. The dare for today was to do something out of the ordinary for Kendra. So, I choose to do something she loves and complete it in a new way. I went to the store and got some exotic lotion and I gave her a massage. Not just a normal massage, but a full body massage with atmosphere! Low lights, music, and just us. It was grand. I didn't even consider it to be work. Normally I don't like taking the time and effort to give massages. Since I don't really desire to get them I don't really desire to give them. But tonight was all about Kendra.
As for the reading, I do need to work on giving love and being content to not receive any in return. I do struggle when my love is returned empty. I have based my love to her in the past on our committment to each other, but I have certainly based it on her behavior as well. If she and I are in a good space then she gets a bigger share of my love. When she and I are on seperate pages their are times when I leave her out of my life all together. Not a great way to let her know that I love her. My notice of this dare is that I can take any event or circumstance in my life and make it special for her. Same with the kids. I can take a mundane task and create an atmosphere of joy and love by being in the moment and completing it with a ground and center spirit.
On to day 11.

Day 9--A new greeting

Some days resonate more than others, this one not so much. I did complete the dare which was to make one of my greetings today memorable and meaningful. I choose to complete it by remembering that my first attempt to leave by kissing her wasn't authentic. I then stole a moment to get a "real" kiss. Our three boys witnessed this event and I think it is great to get them views into our relationship. Often times they get to see our negative side, when we fight or argue, but tenderness speaks volumes as well. It was a good reminder that if I'm truly excited to see her when I get home, then why not show it! I can take this into my life by focusing time and energy into showing people that I am genuinely interested in seeing them and caring for them. What a grand way to show my compassion towards others.

Day 8--Jealousy

I got to play with fire this morning...and it was fun. I burned my negative list from yesterday...not difficult. I'm not sure it was as freeing as it could have been, as Kendra walked in as I was burning it. I did get the chance to explain to her what I was doing and the symbolic nature of burning the list. We then had a great morning of discussion around my longing for her to grow her business. This is such a turnaround from even 9 months ago. Even I'm amazed at how easily I've grown to admire her for her work ethic and diligence to move forward into her greatness. I've never been jealous of her...well I was jealous that she was staying home and now working. I think I had this idea that her life was all roses and freedom, but that was quickly dispelled when I got the opportunity to stay home and be with the kids. Funny how my preception was so vastly off base.
I'm supposed to journal on positive experiences I can celebrate in Kendra's life. Well, as one member who is following my blog has mentioned she would like to see the sensitive side of Chad, I'll expound on one experience. Let's look at how she is able to handle our children with grace and love. While I want to be hard nosed and have them "pay" for their choices out of control, she is able to enroll them in seeing how their choices affect others and themselves. She can literally change the mood of our house with one small statement or gentle look into my kids eyes...it's crazy. I get that same sense from her when I allow myself to live in my heart and not in my head. I am able to experience her at a level that brings my inner peace and helps me to relax and focus. She can bring me back to sensibility when I've wondered into spaz land. My positive experiences of my wife make me feels so freaking blessed. As I was telling one of my good buddies yesterday "I married up!" I honestly believe that I married better than I should have and truly feel that God has blessed me greater than I could have even imagined. Now, do I take her for granted...certainly in the past I have. Will I in the future? Likely, but not without a bold declaration by me right now to acknowledge that she creates space in my life for me to grow. What a gift.

Day 7--The lists

So, I've done the dare for today which is to create several lists, one with the positive qualities I see in my wife and one with the negatives. It was much easier for me to make a list stating Kendra's positive qualities. I didn't count, but i know I listed more than 30 qualities. She really does possess lots and lots of great stuff! I thanked her with a card that stated how much I appreciate her selflessness and dedication to her family. She is the rock and glue that holds our clan together. My negative list did include a few enteries, but as I focused on what I really believed was negative about her, I could easily see that they are also strengths. I just don't like them when they get in the way of the selfish Chad. While I'm not blind to her weaknesses, I will acknowledge that they tend to be around her emotions, which really are a strength. What I learned about myself today is I want to have a number 10 relationship with my wife and I'm committed to seeing her successful in her business and our love for each other grow. We were able to host some friends tonight and share our vision of a world free from disease. My wife was awesome and inspiring...

Day 6

Well, today's dare focused on my ability to respond to tough circumstances in my marriage in loving ways instead of irritation. I didn't get to see too much of Kendra today, but we did talk on the phone several times and really are going the same direction as far as business is concerned. I did have the temptation to say something about dinner (I didn't really enjoy it) but I told her I was thankful for her preparing a meal. The tough situation we have really involves our children not wanting to eat dinner. It is stressful and creates a bit of division between Kendra and I. I really want my children to eat dinner at dinner time and she wants our middle child to have enough food to eat. I withheld my desire to get upset and went with the flow of the night. In the end I was able to make my desire known but also show Kendra love and allow her to comfort Braeden. It worked like a charm. The other portion of the dare was to look at my schedule and see if I can increase my timing to create more "margin" or time for intimacy and relaxation. I have recently taken on some very serious goals and have increased my scheduled time 10 fold. I was able to create some times where I could focus on others and still meet the needs of my family. Not always easy for me. I also came to the realization that I need to release several wrong motivations from my life like stress, bitterness, envy, strife, and trying to control my family and others.
All in all a very good day compared to my previous recent attempts. I do deeply love my wife and am committed to meeting her needs in and through my marriage.

Day 5, the missing day

So, the wheels of my bus fell off on Friday night. Day 5 was supposed to be spent with me asking Kendra about 3 things I do that irritate her. Let's just say that I was irritating all day on Saturday. For many reasons I didn't choose to accept my greatness and was generally cranky for most of the day. I was able to pull out some love in the afternoon, but that was lost again by the evening. I spent a majority of the day sticking my foot in my mouth and trying to avoid Kendra. My attitude was so poor that I believed I was doing her a favor by not being around. We were able to get clear in the evening, but a miscommunication cost of greatly as we were getting ready for bed. What I'm learning about myself is that I'm great at doing and not so great at being. I can go through the steps of doing the love dare but struggle to show genuine love to Kendra. So, I was frustrated today that she wasn't feeling the love from me. While I've had 4 days of love daring, it wasn't getting me the results I expected. For some reason I believed that she would be thrilled that I was "doing" the dare. Yet her feedback is that I'm a million miles away and acting like a man on an island. I can't deny that I'm feeling the stress of making some big goals and stepping into some new attributes. Most of all my new schedule is really causing some issues with my body. I'm able to push through most days, but I get very cranky around 8pm. Not good when I'm trying to be with the kids and then spend time with her.
As for the Love dare, I'm committed to following through with this tomorrow. I'm recommitting to bringing my heart into the dare and spending quality time reading the book and applying my whole being to the purpose of the dare...to love my wife.

Day 4--The Call

So the dare today was to call Kendra and just ask her how I could support her. No other motives, just a nice call to let her talk and get clear. I called from work which was challenging for me. I don't like to take personal calls since others around me can hear me talking. I felt at times as if I was whispering...not really giving my all. The great part was that Kendra was very grateful I called and was thankful that I was interested in talking with her. She was able to plan the evening and we were able to get on the same page about our evening.
Unfortunately the wheels came off the bus around 6:30pm. We were scheduled to go on a date and I'm exhausted. I became very verbally short with Kendra, we've scrapped the date and I'm owning the fact that going through the motions of this love dare isn't meeting my wifes need to have quality time together. I've committed to getting up early this week which has led to me going to bed early. She just shared with me that she doesn't feel like I want to be with her and I'm not around. Sad proceedings. I'm off to talk and get clear. Lord help us.

Day 3

Alright, the dare today was to remain positive in my statements toward Kendra and to buy something that reminded me of her or showed her that I was thinking about her. I pondered this all day at work and even shared with her that I was going to purchase something for her. She gave me a hint about what she would like. In the end we went as a family to Costco and did some shopping. Normally I would like to purchase her something exotic or rare (ok, not really), but today I was compelled to get her some all natural nuts....the gift that really says love. While this may not seem like a very loving gift to some, when I presented her with the nuts and explained why I wanted her to have them she simple said "the meaning behind the nuts is what matters." The reading for today focused on not being selfish, and I can attest that it helps to think less about myself when I am focused on serving her and finding a tangible way to express it. It's a great reminder that I can take anything in my life and make it special if I present it in such a way that the receiver of the gift understands why it is special to me.
Plus on our date night we can take a snack to share together...nuts!

Day 2 Revised

Alright, enough with my previous post. Here's the real scoop. I didn't choose to complete an act of kindness for my wife, but I did get up in the morning and pray with her for 40 minutes. That was very powerful and I felt throughout the day that I was inspired to "accept my greatness" as a spiritual leader. It was easy to recall the things we prayed about and I certainly felt my beingness shining through as we spent the time together. I was able to remain positive with her and since I'm in a very positive space, it's been good for us. I can truly say she is an amazing woman. The years that she has been multitasking with her children, me, and the things she is passionate about...she inspires me. I love her very much and I am greatly blessed by her presence in my life. That's my experience from yesterday. I could feel her presence with me as I went about my daily business and looked forward to coming home and being with her. We had a couple over for dinner and it was easy to be authentic with them and share our passion for health. What a change from previous meals that didn't go so well. Thankyou Lord for belssing me.

Day 2

Day 2: I gave my wife a full body massage. One of her favorite activities. It was night and not as long as I intended to give, but she was very thankful. I found myself struggling today to remain positive and to keep my words uplifting. In the end I was able to not say negative things to her and still deal with some tough topics around home. What I found out about love today is that I was eager to perform my act of service for her. I was actually excited to have the time to focus on giving to her. Since I had the activity planned out, I made sure I had a scheduled time for it to occur. This greatly helped the atmosphere of the night and gave her something to love forward to. I did appreciate from the reading the passage about speaking truth in love. This is something that Kendra often preaches, but I don’t do a great job with. Now I can give a frame of reference when I need to speak in love….find a way to give to her!

Day 1 Recap

Day 1: I came close today to getting upset as Kendra was very slow to get out the car and I thought we were going to be late. Instead of goading her on, I simple chose to go the car and wait for her. This turned out much better as she was able to thank me that night before bed for being positive with her. I was much more aware of my thought process today and was very aware of my wanting to say negative comments. Overall I did a very good job keeping my words edifying and uplifting and was to complete this dare with success. She did say good job for being positive and was not in a good mood all day. Stress of life is getting to her. I'm so glad that I could be her light during this day.

Day 1--The Love Dare Begins

Alright, I'm committed to this goal and making my wife and I a priority like never before. I've already talked with her about meeting Wed. and Fri. mornings to spend at least 30 minutes together in prayer and she was so very excited. She can already tell the difference in my being and I've only been home 1 day. I can truly say I'm in awe of her presence and look forward to serving her in a more intimate way over the next 40 days. I'll report back at the end of the day with my first experiencal entry.