Day 8--Jealousy

I got to play with fire this morning...and it was fun. I burned my negative list from yesterday...not difficult. I'm not sure it was as freeing as it could have been, as Kendra walked in as I was burning it. I did get the chance to explain to her what I was doing and the symbolic nature of burning the list. We then had a great morning of discussion around my longing for her to grow her business. This is such a turnaround from even 9 months ago. Even I'm amazed at how easily I've grown to admire her for her work ethic and diligence to move forward into her greatness. I've never been jealous of her...well I was jealous that she was staying home and now working. I think I had this idea that her life was all roses and freedom, but that was quickly dispelled when I got the opportunity to stay home and be with the kids. Funny how my preception was so vastly off base.
I'm supposed to journal on positive experiences I can celebrate in Kendra's life. Well, as one member who is following my blog has mentioned she would like to see the sensitive side of Chad, I'll expound on one experience. Let's look at how she is able to handle our children with grace and love. While I want to be hard nosed and have them "pay" for their choices out of control, she is able to enroll them in seeing how their choices affect others and themselves. She can literally change the mood of our house with one small statement or gentle look into my kids eyes...it's crazy. I get that same sense from her when I allow myself to live in my heart and not in my head. I am able to experience her at a level that brings my inner peace and helps me to relax and focus. She can bring me back to sensibility when I've wondered into spaz land. My positive experiences of my wife make me feels so freaking blessed. As I was telling one of my good buddies yesterday "I married up!" I honestly believe that I married better than I should have and truly feel that God has blessed me greater than I could have even imagined. Now, do I take her for granted...certainly in the past I have. Will I in the future? Likely, but not without a bold declaration by me right now to acknowledge that she creates space in my life for me to grow. What a gift.