Spent tonight going on a date with Kendra that I set up and initiated. No kids, just us and a nice dinner. We also had a chance to get on the same page regarding our week and how each of us is appearing. I'm sensing that I'm tired and worn down. She seems overwhelmed and under appreciated. I've tried today to show her that I love her and am proud of the work she is doing. I was short with the kids tonight before bed and I know that this effects Kendra. It is hard for her to watch as I draw firm lines around what happens before bed. She begs for us to show the boys love and give into their needs to have prayer time. I'm a man on a mission and want to give them their time and then move into our time. In the end I felt great spending some alone time with Kendra and getting on the same page, but I still have work to do when I feel myself getting tired at night. She desires and deserves the best of me. We've talked about our late night needs and I truly felt like going to bed at 8 tonight. It's nights like these that I don't love that I get up at 5:30am.
So, I purposely skipped our regular routine on Wed. nights and chose to cook dinner for the boys and set up a date night. I can tell it meant alot to Kendra.
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I'm noticing that you seem exhausted. Your notice from yesterday's blog was very insightful. I was glad to see you NOT "beat yourself up about it". And today's was a much better result. But I am sensing that you are tired. Not just physically, but it feels to me that keeping up this constant pace of "being" all the time is wearing you out. Almost like it's not as much fun for you as it was the first few times you were getting great results.... like you're trying so hard to "BE" that you're getting stuck halfway between the being and the doing.
ReplyDeleteI hope that you are going to take a well deserved sleep in on Saturday morning as your self honour for this week. :)
Try not to let the professional goal of yours, and of Kendra's, hang as a black cloud over your personal goal. I know it's almost impossible to do, but try to keep this one separate. Try to let the exhaustion go when you are working on your personal goal so that you are putting the needed 100%.
Having said all that..... I am so truly impressed with you and the amazing change I've seen in you since Advanced. You truly are a different man and I am glad to know you. And really glad to have you on my side. I'm going to need support more and more in the coming weeks and I am so glad that you are part of my team.
Feeling, soft, compassionate, and vulnerable Jackie.