Day 30--Promoting Oneness

Today’s dare focused on the need to pray and look for one area of division within our marriage. I’ve found an area that has affected our oneness….parenting. Ironic as it may sound, we still have days when we are not on the same page. My style of discipline does not lend itself to her style. At times we are at odds with our style and it has caused division in our marriage. In the heat of the discipline, if I take control and try to force my style onto my children, it hurts my wife. I can see it in her eyes when I’m less than compassionate and simply want my children to obey out of respect for me…not because in their hearts it pleases God. I’ve exchanged the temporary desire to have them change their behaviors for the long term change in their hearts. Often times I get what I desire, but the cost is hardening of my children’s hearts and a distance between Kendra and I. I’ve acknowledged this issue with Kendra and we are in the process of developing some strategies to help me when I enter this “Obey Dad at all Cost” mentality. We are going to work on some rules similar to our fair fight rules within our own marriage. When I get to the place where I am only interested in “getting my way” I’ve given Kendra permission to gentle place her hand on my shoulder and ask me to take a break. I have denied this request in the past, but no longer. I will take a walk to a neutral area of the house or wherever we are to gather myself and get “ground and center.” Then I will allow my wife to take the lead with the children and we (Kendra and I) will debrief the situation after it is over. This needs to happen before we go to bed that evening. I’m hoping that this intervention will assist us to become closer as we debrief each situation and allow us to grow in oneness as we affirm our desires to parent together.