Day 13--Fight Fair

Well, It took me two days to get to the conversation with Kendra for this day's dare. I was to establish rules around our arguing (fighting) that would be fair and provide boundaries to make our communication with each other safe. Ken and I have done something similiar to this in the past, but it is a vivid reminder that we change. I'm going to list the rules that Kendra and I agreed upon for fair fighting

1. Each of us has an opportunity to share our thoughts without the other person sharing...we get to practice active listening.

2. We end our disagreements with a compromise or agreement.

3. We each only use "I" statements when talking

4. No put downs or name calling and no bringing in past incidents...focus on the now.

5. Stick to perceptions and our experience of each other. We are not allowed to throw accusations at each other.

6. No fighting in front of the kids, we are to remain civil and use the code word "parlay" to signal that a fair fight is called for.

7. Use gentle voices and maintain eye contact during our "fair fight"

8. Failure is not an option, whatever it takes to move through the fight is what we will do.

Both Kendra and I have agreed to these rules and I believe if we obide by them that our arguments will be much less heated and more productive. We even had a chance to role play this today and I enjoyed it...relectantly. I can say with certainty that the work I'm putting into the love dare will pay off, now and way into the future.