Today's dare was to create an atmosphere of safety for my wife and I to disclose personal thoughts ad struggles. I'll admit that their are times in our relationship that I do not make an effort for her to feel safe. When I get into my "shark after blood" space, nothing she says is safe. This atmosphere creates less intimacy. If the goal in our relationship is to create intimacy, then I need to provide time and create a space that is inviting for conversation. I stepped up last week and initiated a date night, which is a start. I've started meeting with her in the mornings for prayer, which is great. But the piece I'm missing are those days when she's weak (tired, frustrated, overwhelmed) and I use words that are hurtful. She looks at me with those eyes that scream WHY? All she desires during those times is to have shelter and love. She desires a husband who will walk along side her and lift up her weary heart. I experienced a bit of this on Friday night of this week and what a difference it makes. When I chose to relate with her on an emotional level, to listen and accept her feedback without judgment and then give her physical affirmation, she glows.
My notice regarding myself is to daily agree to uplift her and not use words or tones that make her feel less than she truly is.
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Chad, you've really taken this on and it seems like even just having a new awareness of this need for her to have you as a safe place is a big move toward oneness.
ReplyDeleteI'm getting a rush just reading this blog. You have finally stepped away from being selfish about your feelings, opinions, wants and needs and have finally learned what it's like to truly put another persons emotional well being above your own.
ReplyDeleteI know how hard it must be for you at first to stop automatically reacting as you always have and to begin behaving in such a way that must feel completely alien. But I am seeing how the results from your efforts are truly uplifting. You have changed your relationship with Kendra for the better for life. And now that you've learned these lessons, you will be able to fall back on them again and again in the future if there are struggles.
What a lucky woman Kendra is to have a man who is so strong and capable, and yet so able to truly touch the softer side of himself and really open up to her, us, and most of all - HIMSELF.
Drink this all in Chad.... and cherish every moment of it.