Had a great time tonight making a meal WITH my wife. Not for her, but with her. We decided to focus on spending our time talking while we helped each other prepare a meal we both love…fried rice. It was a great time, we talked openly about our relationship, our current situation in life and some strategies on overcoming perceived obstacles in our life. I believe this is the kind of thing I’ve been asking my wife for…something we can both focus on and still be connecting and talking. I’ve learned that I get a little weird when I hear her ask me to “talk” about subjects. I’m resistant to those nights when I feel all we are going to do is connect with one another and I envision myself sitting across from her staring in her eyes and talking for hours. In fairness to Kendra this is never the case. I’ve created this meaning around her desire to have the intimate conversations. But I did notice that I tend to open up more effectively when I’m focused on completing a task as well as having a discussion.
Some of the moments that made tonight special revolve around Kendra and I being with each other completely. The kids were downstairs and we had the time to really be intimate in our conversation. No pressure or feeling we needed to hurry the experience, only time to be alone. And it happened in our home where we feel comfortable and enjoy being. It was a great night.
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Good notice about what you'd made an intimate conversation mean, Chad. Expectation runs both ways, huh? What a wonderful night you must have had - I can see the connectedness, and can almost smell the rice : )
ReplyDeleteJust one question... and I may be way off base with this.... but here goes anyway.
ReplyDeleteWhy do you prefer having a "task" to do when you have more intimate conversations?
Is it that you are able to remain less vulnerable because you can allow the distraction of chopping vegetables to keep you from getting too emotional in the moment? Or do you feel that they are a complete waste of time, so having them while making dinner makes at least it seem like it's productive act?
Just curious if you've ever really taken the time to sit and have a real intimate conversation while staring at each other and say, lying in each others arms, or cuddling, or something more intimate than making a meal and thought about what you were feeling. Are you uncomfortable with those moments?
I don't want to take away from the great moment you and Kendra did share while making your favorite meal because it sounds amazing, but are you depriving yourself and Kendra of other amazing moments because you are "nervous" to have an intimate conversation where the main focus is actually the conversation?